Another Pat on the Back

Ok, I'm not wasting time on adorable openers this month. Ready? Let's dive in.

Jesus got a hold of me in way that felt like a sucker punch. Here's why...

I gave away my clothes.

Yup.

I gave away my clothes.

I have reduced my closet by 80% and climbing.

The day that I did this I gave myself a nice little Christian pat on the back. I thought, 'Man, I'm so great. I am such a good giver. Look at me. Sacrificing and such. Go Emily.' I know you're applauding me as well, and I could write you a blog post about how big a gift I gave, and how warm and fuzzy it made me feel, and how much Jesus likes me because I'm just such a great giver.

Then a week passed.

And another one.

And as I was sitting in church a few weeks ago, I saw someone wearing one of my dresses. I was reaching up to pat myself on the back when I felt the truth hit me instead: her life was not any different because she was wearing my dress. The miserable home life she faces every day when she wakes up, the fear, the pain, loneliness that I can only imagine she must feel... my dress didn't help any of that.

That thought broke me.

And I have felt a clear impression on my heart ever since: You have nothing to offer - I AM the only one who can truly restore. 

What a humbling thought.

And if you think humbling means something gentle and meek and realizing your smallness in the world - that's not what I mean.

I felt as if I had been knocked off my tower, brought to nothing. All the things I treasure look like dust. Because in the end I cannot save anyone. I - can't- save-anyone. No matter how great I think I am, or how much I give away. The only thing- the only thing- I have of value is the truth about my Savior.

We've been discussing money on Sunday mornings at my church, and Mark made the argument that money is meant to be used as a tool - not an idol. Shouldn't that be true of everything I own? Of everything I give away? Couldn't a dress be how someone knows the love of Jesus?

But only if I use it correctly.

If I instead chose to pat myself on the back, write a blog about how giving I am and then head up a charity for the rest of my life - it will be useless. It will mean nothing. It is dust.

But I know this Jesus, and there is nothing he cannot heal, there is nothing he cannot restore, there is nothing in this world that he has not defeated. That is the hope I carry, that is the only gift of worth I can give - the good news of my Jesus.

This is what we learned this month:

• We are not that awesome, and we really started out thinking we were really awesome, so imagine the shock. 
• Jesus doesn't care about my clothes, he cares about my heart. If I gave away everything I had and still believed that I was the one helping people, it would be for nothing.
• We serve Yahweh, and he is our hope. We have something to give that will never wear out, that you cannot outgrow - we have living water that never runs dry.

I don't know what to tell you about your life and the things that you have, or the things that you value.  I am only telling you that I don't care about mine so much anymore. I'm letting go. More everyday. And I'm only telling you this so that you start to wonder why, because the answer to that is Jesus. Because I want you to have my Jesus too. Because He is the way, the truth and the life. And nothing else can heal us. 

- Emily

All the stripes.

I am so many things this month.

Some days I love my strictly assigned wardrobe. It feels like I'm getting to experience the mythical "benefits" people who wore school uniforms always talked about growing up.

Then other days I sit on my bed and just gaze into my half-open closet. Daydreaming about wearing that denim shirt with the enthusiasm of a girl fantasizing about her wedding dress.

And somewhere in the middle are days that are just gray and confusing. When my mind is all over the place and my perceptions are challenged. When the things I thought to be true about myself are questioned. Days when I'm a carefree, uniform-wearing Jesus lover one moment, and then a panicked, frightened cardigan addict the next.

Let me tell ya. The clothing swings are real.

I wore the same dress to two separate events in one weekend. Trust me, it was inevitable. I was fine until I got home after outing #2 and the thought hit me: what if pictures get posted from both? What if people see them NEXT TO EACHOTHER? What if everyone scrolls through their newsfeed and smirks because of my obvious inability to come up with more than one cute outfit in 24 hours?

Then something occurred to me this past week: Literally, no one cares.

Ouch.

A tough pill to swallow, but so true. After three straight weeks of wearing the same two outfits to teach dance, kid you not, one of my students said to me, "Oh, I haven't even noticed!"

Uhh... what?? That one comment rocked my world and taught me more in 5 seconds than I think I've learned all month. It's funny how God uses the seemingly small, inconsequential daily happenings sometimes, to reveal the most paradigm-shifting truths in our lives. That's how He tends to work, though, catching us off guard in the unexpected.

I've come to realize that each day is a gamble in this whole "7" thing. There are no guarantees that I will wake up tomorrow thrilled about wearing the same striped tank top for the approximately 240284th time this month. But I guess overall I've learned to start caring a little less how my closet tells me I should feel, and a little more how God says I am secure in Him and Him alone.

It hasn't been perfect. But it sure has been something.

- Morgan

p.s. I feel like my face says everything about the love hate relationship I've developed with this favorite shirt of mine. 7 more days, friends. 7 more days.

The rich young Pinterest addict

See what I did there?

If you don't already know the story, a rich young man comes to Jesus and says: "Hey! I believe in you, I am ready to go! I follow all the rules, I'm a good person - am I going to make it into Heaven?"

Jesus replies, "Alright that's great, but one last thing - go sell what you have, give that money to the poor - then come follow me."

The young man went away sad, because he was very wealthy.

Oh, how many mean thoughts I've had for this young man. Growing up in church I came to understand that he made the wrong choice, he had a bad heart, he ultimately chose money over the chance to follow Jesus. Obviously I would never make such a horrible mistake.

Can I tell you that in these last few weeks, this young man is on my mind almost everyday. And I have never felt so heartbroken for him.

I look at my closet and feel a tug on my heart that gets stronger all the time. I've made my clothes an idol - and it's time to start sorting through that. But every time I think about it I just go away sad.

And this is where the blog post stops... I don't know what to do. I don't have an idea on how to proceed, I'm just running out the clock on this month. I'm scouring the internet for a minimalists closet structure I can live with. Now I'm asking you for help.

I need to get a handle on my closet, and I am open to suggestions. 

Last night we were in Sports Authority and this cute pink sweatshirt caught my eye. I reached for it, then backed away when I remembered my fast. In the next heartbeat this soul-draining thought popped into my head: "I just need one more sweatshirt - then my wardrobe would be complete."

Ugh. That is the heavy, exhausting never-ending hamster wheel I've been running. I've said that about every single thing I've purchased this year... just one more ____ and then I'll feel whole. 

Oh, it makes me tired to the bone. And standing there in the store I thought there has to be another answer- there has to be a way out of this endless trap. I can never win, these clothes that I buy are never enough. 

They don't solve my problems at work. 

They don't give me lasting peace, security or comfort. 

They don't actually help anyone. 

These clothes that I keep buying just perpetuate this cycle of eternal longing bandaged up with temporary trappings. 

This month in particular is why I'm on this fast. This is why I need a long term solution for my closet. Because I am so tired. I am so very tired. 

I'm asking for help, because I need a hand up out of this pit. Shoot me some thoughts - I'm ready to listen. 

-Emily 

7 outfits I will never wear again

Okay, this is hard.

I knew I loved my clothes, but I thought I would be able to coast through this month no problem. I'm not that addicted to my wardrobe, I thought. And I get 7 completely different outfits! Totally doable.

This coming from the girl who moved to North Carolina for 2 months and packed enough clothes and shoes and scarves and jewelry and cardigans and skirts and... you get the point... that I didn't have to repeat an outfit for a whole month. My roommate at the time can attest to this amazing feat.

But being the glass half full type of person that I am, I still entered April with a shiny, I-can-do-it attitude. And I'm discovering that I can't. I cannot do it.

The importance I place on what I wear is far greater than I originally thought.

I teach dance sometimes 4-5 days a week, so I have 2 "dance teacher" outfits to work with (a number I wish was much higher after these past 7 days). I need comfy clothes to wear at home, and comfortable PJs for crying out loud. So there goes 2 more of my allotted 7. Which leaves 2 outfits that a normal person would wear in public (and still look presentable), and 1 dress for nicer occasions, or for the beautiful spring day I'm hoping arrives at some point this month.

And that's it.

Sounded like a lot more in theory. In practice, it feels unbearably limiting compared to the excess of options normally at my fingertips.

So here at the beginning of week 2, I'm praying for God to change my "I can't" attitude. I'm praying for Him to break my heart for what is truly important in His Kingdom. And praying that by the end of this month my clothes have taken a backseat to far more important things.

- Morgan

p.s. I've discovered these floral keds of mine are truly a mental and emotional lifesaver, on days when wearing the same shirt for the third time in one week feels especially tough.

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This is not a joke

I'll be brief, because I don't know what to say. I was switching out pieces of clothing until 11:30 last night, and staring into my closet like a lost soul.

I love my clothes, and I'm not even sorry about it. I have a separate Instagram account for my closet.

So here's to Month 2 of our lifestyle experiment...

This month is about excess clothing. Essentially, I feel like someone found a bruised rib and put their elbow in it. Over and over and over again.

I've been in denial, if we're being honest - yesterday I made an order on Zulily. Why? Because I was ignoring the fact that I won't be wearing those clothes when they arrive. I'm in denial.

Jen Hatmaker's challenge of choice for her second month was 7 items of clothing. God bless her, but she writes from home. I wish I could write from home, but I answer phones in a professional setting. So instead Morgan and I have chosen 7 outfits each and we'll be wearing them all through April.

We had an awesome response to our blog last month that encouraged us to take this experiment at our own pace, while still capturing the heart of the project: letting go of what we don't need. As a result we feel comfortable adjusting things this month so that they continue to be eye opening, while still being manageable.

I don't need all my sweatpants, but by golly I want them.

I encourage you to join us this month - no sweet potatoes required, I promise. It's a great time to jump in for the rest of the journey, or even just for the next four weeks.

We'll keep you updated, and probably post an outfit-of-the-day or two. But  my heart is sad. I'd just like to say that. My heart is so sad about my sweatpants, and my cardigans and having to choose between my striped shirts. I have 32 of them.

Each month we pray for something different - and we'd love to pray for you! Let us know what's on your heart and we'll add it to our list this month. There's something serious about fasting and praying, it's referenced all through the Bible, and we're experiencing the truth of that in our own lives. So seriously, we'd be happy to fast and pray over whatever it is you need.

If you'd like more details, please feel free to text, call, Facebook message or comment below. We'd love to give you more information so that you can do this too, but I also don't really want to talk about underwear on the internet. 

-Emily

P.S. To all my female friends... and sisters... since I won't be wearing 99.9% of my wardrobe this month I'm opening it up to you. If you want to borrow or just outright steal something from my closet, this is your opportunity. I'm even willing to mail it to you. Call, text, smoke signals - you know the drill.

Month 1: Check

Well that's a wrap, folks. 1 month down, 6 more to go.

Each is supposed to last for 28 days, but we actually ended March a little early because of Easter. As a joyous day intended to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, it just didn't feel right remaining in a physical and spiritual state of fasting. So we ended on the 26th. Well, technically halfway through the 25th when Emily mentioned the homemade coffee creamer in her fridge.

It was all too fitting to enjoy that first glorious cup together. My mom made some ridiculous comment at the beginning of March that after so many days apart I might not like coffee as much. I'm happy to report she was 100% wrong.

I'm gonna be honest, though. Beyond the lack of caffeine, it was a pretty rough month. I had to haul this diet all the way to St. Louis for the weekend and make it work at a dance competition - in a hotel room nonetheless! Emily's husband will tell you that his wife has been just a little less agreeable than usual. And unfortunately not everyone has been supportive of this process - voicing criticism when it doesn't line up with what they believe "true fasting" to be.

These things and others were extremely frustrating. But God remained good and met us where we were, even amidst the mess of how utterly awful some days were.

The 3 biggest things I learned:

1. This journey is ours, not Jen Hatmaker's. I was reminded of this after sharing our blog in a writer's community on Facebook. One woman who previously completed "7" left a beacon of hope in my notifications when she said to remember that our journey doesn't have to look just like Jen's in order to be successful. It's all about the heart and intention behind each month's decisions. How freeing!

2. I expected to walk away from March with some neat, pretty, wrapped-up, Christian lesson learned about being grateful for what I have. What I didn't expect was the ugliness in my heart. The selfishness and entitlement I didn't realize was even there. Talk about shocking. Yet so, so good. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about the person who God wants me to be.

3. When you make room for Him, God is faithful to answer prayer. Emily and I both had a very specific prayer request this month that we were focusing on. And what do you know, the Lord revealed answers to both of us!

Overall, March was challenging, revealing, infuriating, and never ending at times. But oh so wonderful. We may still be a little nutty for doing this. But I'm convinced now more than ever that it's all worth it.

- Morgan

p.s. Check back in the next few days for an update from Emily about Month 2!

Come Hungry.

Hi there. 

Our first month is almost at an end. I should've blogged a lot sooner, but I didn't. I kept waiting for some amazing insightful thing to hit me upside the head, but I just kept feeling hangry instead.

As I mentioned before, I like comfort food. But I didn't think I had a problem with food, or giving up food for a month. Of course, I was super wrong.

Instead of a great insight about my future path in life I've kept running into this problem I have with using food for comfort. I've labeled it a few ways this month like: I'm just hangry, I'm low on caffeine, if I had a cup of tea I wouldn't be crying so much. 

I've developed plenty of excuses: 'I'm tired of sweet potatoes, I just want ONE chocolate chip cookie, if I just had some coffee I could get through this day, if I could just eat a real meal I wouldn't be so mean' etc. 

The example from Jesus' life that I've been focused on this month was his time spent fasting in the desert. The longer I eat spinach for breakfast the more frustrated I become with his experience.

See, Jesus knew he was about to tempted and that this would be the beginning of his ministry here on earth, and that people would write it down and talk about it for thousands of years afterwards.

He still arrived hungry.

I know for a fact that when I am well fed, when I have my caffeine, when I'm not trying to find a new way to cook eggs, I am a more mentally and emotionally balanced person. If you have doubts, you haven't spent enough time with me lately.

So why would Jesus arrive hungry to something so difficult?

The longer I feel hangry the more I am forced to realize: when I can't rely on a venti vanilla soy latte for comfort, I am much better at placing my faith in my Heavenly Father, I pray more often, I do a better job of reaching for His promises, and I work harder to memorize His truth.

Perhaps Jesus knew this about the human body - that we can get so bogged down and distracted by the calories of this life.

Call out time - because I'm hangry and reckless and you chose to read this blog:

I am willing to bet another week of sweet potatoes that you were hoping this would be a lesson in gratitude. And more than likely your excuse all along had something to do with already being fairly grateful. Ha.

Jesus has more to teach us than gratitude friends. Stop settling for a kindergarten understanding of your own faith. Challenge yourself. Get freaking uncomfortable.

I don't have anything nice or warm or milky to tell you about what Jesus has for you when you get over yourself. So, again, I invite you on this journey of getting past the excess in your life. Stay tuned this week for more updates on April's challenge!

In the words of one of our eighth graders:

"I'm sorry, but I do not regret my actions"

Peace.

-Emily