When I first read the list of things we would be fasting from during 7, I had a visceral reaction to this one: Media. And it took me off guard. So instead of thinking about it too intently, or considering why I responded so strongly, I decided to ignore month 4 and deal with it when the day came.
Well folks, it's here.
We're not getting rid of all media (these words aren't magically typing themselves). Emily is giving up 7 specific outlets, and I am limiting my media usage to 7 hours or less a week. This does not include tools you need on a daily basis for your job, to complete your work, to pay your bills, etc. The goal is to weed out extra and unnecessary media that bombards us every day.
And I know what you're thinking - shocker, the 20-something Millennial is freaking out because she can't check Instagram all month. Oh how I wish it was that simple. As I've been gearing up for this transition and really thinking on why it is I have such anxiety about parting with certain media, some things have become apparent.
I actually don't care about Instagram that much. Or Snapchat. Or Facebook. Or Pinterest. Yes, I check at least a few of these on a daily basis, but often out of boredom or procrastination.
My battle is with television and radio. Hands down. I use their noise daily to drown out what I don't want to think about, deal with, or hear. When I would rather not dwell on whatever current hurt or pain is in my life, I turn on the TV. When I know there's some tough things I need to pray and talk to God about while driving, many times I turn up the music and choose not to deal with them. And when the Lord is convicting me of poor decisions I've made, often my first response is to drown out His voice with whatever drama is on ABC that night.
Time and time again I choose to live in denial and embrace a false sense of self-sufficiency, rather than have a tough, gut wrenchingly honest conversation with God. I seem to always forget that even though those talks with Him can be hard - they lead to freedom.
And quite honestly, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of media being my first response. I'm sick of prayer being an afterthought. I'm over how full my mind has become with all the media and stimuli the world tries to shove inside it.
I'm scared for this month, but I'm ready for some quiet. Some peace and genuine listening. I'm ready to stop running away from God and what He wants me to hear, learn, and do in His Kingdom. How fitting the verse we read at small group tonight: "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" James 1:19 ESV (emphasis mine).
It's definitely been a quiet day with all the hearing I've been forced to do. Not sure I utilized the extra, rather uncomfortable nothingness like I could have - but being engulfed in so much silence, and choosing to sit there anyways, was a start.
This month is the main reason I'm doing 7. I'm in such unchartered waters it's not even funny, so no guarantees about what's to come out of my mouth these next 28 days. All I know is I'm scared. And so excited to meet the person who emerges on the other end.
- Morgan
P.s. For someone who lives by a strict "no notification ever left on my home screen" type of policy, this is driving me bonkers.
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