No really, I'm listening now.

Yesterday, I actually forgot that it was the last day of month 4.

True story.

Interesting, I thought. Considering I was counting down the days during month 2 until I could wear a different shirt. And in month 1, just the thought of coffee at the finish line was enough to get me through each day.

Yet here we are at the month I had absolutely been dreading the most, and I forgot the 28th marked the end of my media fast.

On day 1... and day 2 and day 3... I couldn't believe how slow time was passing. For about a week, I was in detox mode from all the over-stimuli I was used to. Instincts and old habits kicked in countless times as I reached for the radio the second I got in the car, or walked towards the TV minutes after getting home. In selfish moments, I responded with anger and audible frustration to God that I couldn't use outside noise to drown what I didn't want to think about.

But in moments of growth, the quiet was uncomfortable, yes - but so freeing, I discovered. The absence of excess sound gradually became the norm. It didn't take long to realize that silence creates this beautiful mental, emotional, and spiritual awareness that allows you to experience life more fully...

Reading on my deck one evening, and looking up to see the most breathtaking shades of blue painted across the sky. Going on a bike ride rather than watching Netflix, and stopping at the sight of these unique little black and red birds I had never seen the likes of before. Opening the window and just sitting, listening to the myriad of almost imperceptible noises coming in from outside. Enjoying car rides filled with prayer and giving thanks for things I might not have otherwise taken the time to be grateful for.

The silence became a calming, reassuring constant in the middle of my busy life. No matter what the day brought, I knew my quiet car and home would bring solace. And even if that meant reflecting on and thinking about things I would rather avoid, when I chose not to ignore them, it always proved worthwhile.

If you're a believer, I'm sure you can relate to the feeling of wanting to avoid God at times, because you feel guilty coming to Him after messing up once again. Yet part of you feels just as guilty for ignoring Him, and this vicious cycle of shame and even more guilt ensues.

And you're miserable.

I loved this month because I didn't have an excuse to ignore Him. Even when I felt unworthy of His love and presence, I had no choice but to turn to Him. Because there was no other distraction luring me into denial. The silence taught me that He is always there, no matter what, to take on everything that I am, everything I've done, and everything I'm concerned about. My mess doesn't scare Him away.

Your mess doesn't scare Him away.

Some no-noise, no-screen time, even if just for a few minutes, I think is absolutely vital to our daily wellbeing. Give it a try. Unplug for a while. You may be surprised how loud God becomes, and how much love and grace He is waiting to lavish on you.

- Morgan

P.s. Day 29 update: enjoyed another quiet car ride of my own accord.