If you don't already know the story, a rich young man comes to Jesus and says: "Hey! I believe in you, I am ready to go! I follow all the rules, I'm a good person - am I going to make it into Heaven?"
Jesus replies, "Alright that's great, but one last thing - go sell what you have, give that money to the poor - then come follow me."
The young man went away sad, because he was very wealthy.
Oh, how many mean thoughts I've had for this young man. Growing up in church I came to understand that he made the wrong choice, he had a bad heart, he ultimately chose money over the chance to follow Jesus. Obviously I would never make such a horrible mistake.
Can I tell you that in these last few weeks, this young man is on my mind almost everyday. And I have never felt so heartbroken for him.
I look at my closet and feel a tug on my heart that gets stronger all the time. I've made my clothes an idol - and it's time to start sorting through that. But every time I think about it I just go away sad.
And this is where the blog post stops... I don't know what to do. I don't have an idea on how to proceed, I'm just running out the clock on this month. I'm scouring the internet for a minimalists closet structure I can live with. Now I'm asking you for help.
I need to get a handle on my closet, and I am open to suggestions.
Last night we were in Sports Authority and this cute pink sweatshirt caught my eye. I reached for it, then backed away when I remembered my fast. In the next heartbeat this soul-draining thought popped into my head: "I just need one more sweatshirt - then my wardrobe would be complete."
Ugh. That is the heavy, exhausting never-ending hamster wheel I've been running. I've said that about every single thing I've purchased this year... just one more ____ and then I'll feel whole.
Oh, it makes me tired to the bone. And standing there in the store I thought there has to be another answer- there has to be a way out of this endless trap. I can never win, these clothes that I buy are never enough.
They don't solve my problems at work.
They don't give me lasting peace, security or comfort.
They don't actually help anyone.
These clothes that I keep buying just perpetuate this cycle of eternal longing bandaged up with temporary trappings.
This month in particular is why I'm on this fast. This is why I need a long term solution for my closet. Because I am so tired. I am so very tired.
I'm asking for help, because I need a hand up out of this pit. Shoot me some thoughts - I'm ready to listen.
-Emily
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