I feel like the past 7 days have gradually brought about a sense of peace and acceptance about this meal plan. I even managed to sit inside Coffee Hound for a meeting, and be (almost) completely okay with not having a cute little house cortado sitting in front of me. Like I said, almost. But I was getting into the groove of things. Handling each day fairly well in my opinion.
Until Friday.
I was getting ready to drive to Springfield to celebrate my sister's birthday when the aforementioned coffee shop announced 10% off a matcha freeze for all it's' loyalty members. (It's sort of like a green tea smoothie for those of you that don't speak hipster. Don't worry, I didn't know what it was either until a friend handed me a cup of it last month. So good!)
I know, only 10% off. Nothing to freak out about. But like a switch got flipped in my brain - content Morgan disappeared as selfishness and entitlement flared up inside me like I couldn't believe.
Kid you not, I almost did not make it out of town without getting one. I was literally a block away; it would have been too easy. The voice in my head was screaming "Morgan, it's healthy! There's no coffee in it. What's one delicious smoothie on the way home going to hurt?" I couldn't convince myself, though, without some affirmation. So I texted Emily. Hoping she would say something that even slightly suggested I go for it. Throw all caution to the wind for an hour, get the drink!
No luck. She was a good friend and empathetic. But not an enabler.
So I kept driving and glared at my plain, boring water with a hatred I don't think I've ever felt towards a beverage. I may or may not have even let a few tears slip. Don't judge me, going 2 weeks without coffee can make anyone a little emotionally unstable.
But why? After so many good days, why did a smoothie make my world come crashing down in seconds? To tell you the truth, I don't know. I can't pinpoint it, but it felt like some sort of breaking point. The first time my feathers were really ruffled in this process... but also the first time God was really able to get my attention.
And when I finally chose to stop whining and listen to His quiet prompting instead, He reminded me that all I could ever want or need has already been given to me in His Son. In His love, I find complete fulfillment. Total satisfaction & fullness of joy. He has already given me grace upon grace. And only when I recognize that am I able to move past my unwillingness and look beyond my selfish desires and frustrations.
Only there am I able to resist the matcha, and do so with joy.
Praying for you friend, if you're having a hard time at the halfway point as well. Stay strong, you've made it this far!
- Morgan
p.s. I'm going to Coffee Hound again this morning. Wish me luck.
photo cred: @the_coffee_hound on Instagram
No comments:
Post a Comment